And then you’re in the sweet ever-feeding tide pool of Ambien, and you watch that episode of Girls and you remember that man who went far across the sea. And you think of that man who is here on this land with you. You know why you still think of that man across the sea, because those stories are what the world tells you to never expect, no don’t even dare to hope for it. So you have this good man now and it’s all you ever wanted. You know that way lies insanity, but once in a while you will still think about that handsome man across the sea. That’s just how life is. Our mouths get smaller with need.
This. So much this.
Being fat and shy was a double layer of insulation and attack all at once. It was like one of those anti-rape condoms, where the spines are on the inside. Except that is kind of a misnomer isn’t it? It doesn’t stop the rape from happening, it just gives the rapists one hell of a problem once they’ve raped. Which I suppose is better than nothing. Although certainly no rape at all would be optimal. But it really doesn’t matter – whether you’re a plump, shy kid, or a beanpole who prefers their hair, clothes, and coffee black, something was wrong with you.